Walking Progress

I am a terrible blogger- sorry!  But so much progress has been made!  Here is a brief video of how Will was walking right after he got his first leg back in Sept.

He learned so much with that leg!  He got really good and standing and walking around the furniture.  That leg gave us hope that he would indeed walk someday.  (And we loved that Lightening McQueen and Mater were on his leg!)

But, as all kids do, Will kept growing that leg started falling off frequently.  It was time for a new one. We took a leap of faith and decided to get a new leg that would only go up to his knee- not his hip like his first leg.  We didn't know if he would be able to walk that way, because we didn't know if his knee would be able to support his body weight and be strong enough to maneuver the leg.  We figured it was worth trying for- so we went for it.  His second leg has baseballs and baseball bats on it (just in time for baseball season- and you know we'll be at lots of games with our other boys!).  Here is the video of the first few minutes with his new leg:

We've been doing physical therapy and assisting Will's walking with two different styles of walkers.  He's been working hard!  Our physical therapist said that he would make a lot more progress once he learned how to stand up on his own- without assistance.  That way, when he falls he would be able to get back up and keep trying.  We've been working on that for about a month.  After our last physical therapy session, I had the idea to get a kids basketball hoop.  Will loves to play with balls!  I thought that he would want to put a basketball through a hoop- and a basketball is big enough that he would have to use both hands to hold it (he wouldn't be able to hold on to anything else) so when he would bend over to pick up the ball he would have to stand on his own in order to bring the ball high enough to put it through the hoop.  We practiced in the front yard, in the back yard, and then in the house- for at least 2 hours the day I got it.  It worked!!!  When he really started to get the hang of picking up the ball and standing on his own I took this video:

I am one proud and happy mom!

Cast Off

     Will's cast is off!  I am so glad!  While I am glad that it was on to protect his leg, I have missed being able to squeeze his cute, fleshy leg.  I didn't like the cast!  I could tell that he was hot and miserable with it on.  And I was really excited for him to be able to take a bath again.  He loves to splash and play in the water!  On the flip side, I can't deny that his foot is really gone.  I miss it.   A lot.
   We went to our appointment to get his cast off and I think both Mike and I were more excited than nervous.  I was so relieved that his cast had never fallen off beforehand and having seen the picture of his leg from the dressing change I felt prepared to see his leg without his funky foot.  The wait to see the doctor took forever, but then when the doctor came in everything happened really fast.  Boy, his leg was so protected in that cast!  She did an awesome job of bandaging his leg and protecting it- no wonder he never seemed to be bothered when he put weight on his leg!  While taking the cast off, she stopped probably 3 times to make sure Mike and I were okay.  It was like she was unveiling the next stage of our lives.  It was okay.  I didn't really think about what was happening because I was just happy for his leg to breath again and to not have to be in that cast anymore.  His incision still had to be covered and protected so she showed us how to bandage it and then cover it with a special sock to keep swelling down.  Then that was it!  We could go home!

     We could tell that he liked having that cast off.  We put him on the floor and he was off and crawling!  When he got to the kitchen floor he tried banging his leg on the floor like he would do with the cast.  Bad idea, buddy.  That hurt.  I think he did that with the cast because maybe the vibrations would help "itch" his leg.  Well, he doesn't do that anymore!  We can't go swimming yet, but he can take a bath for a few minutes at a time.  Not what we were hoping for, but we'll take it!
     The next morning is when I got hit by the emotional tornado.  I went to the gym and just cried in the theater room while on an elliptical machine.  (That's not exactly new for me- I am the crazy crying lady at the gym.  I admit it.)  I made it home and just had to sit on my porch and cry some more before I could go in my house and be the mom my sons need me to be.  I am by no means a perfect mom, but I am trying to be what each son needs me to be.  You moms know- it's hard.  Sometimes it's still hard to be brave...
   

Dressing Change

     Will was doing so good!  Surgery was Thursday.  We came home Friday and the last dose of oxycodone we gave him was Friday night at midnight.  After that we were able to control the pain with Tylenol and Motrin.  Of course we were giving it to him about every 3 hours (first Tylenol, then Motrin, etc.) so it was like having a newborn again.  The doctor told us to do this until we came back in for the dressing changes and for the most part we were able to stay ahead of the  pain and he was a pretty happy guy. 
     Six days after surgery he had the dressings changed.  The doctor wanted to put him out again so the experience wouldn't be so painful or traumatic.  I agreed, I imagined there would be bloody bandages stuck to his leg that would hurt when peeled off and that he would make things worse if he were crying and kicking.  The had to schedule an operating room and we had to go through the same process (no food after midnight, no formula after 2 and no clear liquids after 6).  Since it was just a dressing change I told Mike to not take off work and that I would take him in and be okay by myself.  It was a different drive in- I knew the worst or the hardest part was over.  I knew that this time when I handed him over it wouldn't be so hard.  I didn't cry at all.
     When we got to the hospital we checked in, and they did all the same things as they did before surgery.  It was weird to go through it all again, but for a different purpose.  It was definitely easier!  They gave him the medicine to help him relax, and when I handed him over my brave face didn't have any tears.  That time it was easy to be brave.  While he was gone I went and got some breakfast and waited for them to call me back.
     It wasn't long before a nurse came and found me and asked me to come to the recovery room.  She said that he was crying a lot and they couldn't get him to calm down.  I knew it was because he was hungry!  Sure enough, I got in the room and gave him a bottle and he calmed right down and went back to sleep.  We thought he would sleep for an hour or so and then we could go home hopefully around 10 or 11.  He actually slept a lot longer and I didn't go home with him until almost 1:00. 

     The doctor gave us the option of seeing a picture of Will's leg.  I didn't know if I was ready to see it, but Mike really wanted to.  So while the doctor was changing Will's dressings she took a picture and e-mailed it to me.  I was afraid to see it.  I had envision his stump to be red and swollen and painful looking.  I didn't know if I wanted to see that owie on my baby.  Curiosity won out and I looked at the picture.  So not what I was expecting!  It wasn't red or swollen or painful looking at all!  It didn't even look bruised!  It looked so good!  You can see the doctor's initials on his leg, M.W. (which I like because those are his initials too- just in different order!)  Seeing his leg, without that funky foot, in a picture helped me.  It helped me "see" that Will's foot was really gone.  But there was still a part of me that was in denial.  It was easy to be in denial when I couldn't see or touch his leg.  It was all hidden under the bandages and the soft cast.  I was worried about really seeing his leg without his foot for the first time.  I know of 3 families with children that have similar issues.  All 3 families had their baby's cast come off before it was supposed to.  I knew that if his cast came off before the doctor took it off I would have a hard time.  Depending on the circumstances, I knew it would be a pretty shocking and slightly traumatic experience.  So I hoped that it would stay on, but I knew that if it didn't that his leg was okay and what it would look like. 
     [I have really debated on whether or not to post the picture for others to see.  I have decided not to because I think it has the potential of freaking some people out.  If I could figure out a way to post a link to the picture so that those who want to see could click on the link, and those who don't won't have to see it, I would.  But I don't know how, so sorry!]
     In the meantime, Carter and Matt have handled everything really well.  They sure love their brother!  They still try to include him in their playing yet are protective and very careful to make sure he doesn't get hurt.  Carter loved taking him for rides in the jeep, while Matt would follow along on his rollerblades.

Will has loved to be outside even though he can't get wet.  I feel so bad because I will get his hair and face and arms and other leg wet when it's so hot and we're outside- and he'll try to take the water away from me to put on his cast.  Poor kid!  I know he's hot and uncomfortable, but he's been such a trooper!  He gets around to wherever he wants to go in the house (even places I would rather he not get to!) and he thinks it's hysterically funny to lay on the kitchen floor and bang his leg on the ground because of the thuncking noise the cast makes.  You'd think it would hurt and that he would avoid doing that...  I am thinking that when the cast comes off and he can't do that anymore, bath time will make up for it!  He's gonna love taking baths again!

Doing so GOOD!

Last night wasn't too bad!  He got up once and we gave him a bottle and some meds and Will went back to sleep.  This morning he just played and loved us!  Mike took him for a walk around the neighborhood (he really seems to enjoy being outside!  Mike says Will is definitely my son :) )  Will slept for a while then woke up and wanted to play. 

Here are some video clips so you can see how mobile he is.  Keep in mind his surgery was on Thursday and today is Saturday.  I am pretty sure that if I had my foot amputated 2 days ago I wouldn't be this happy or this mobile!

     We are so grateful for how well he is doing!  I have been able to stay on top of the meds and he doesn't seem to be in pain.  I think from here we will just keep getting better and better!

We are home!

Last night was kinda rough.  Will was frustrated with the IV in his hand and the oxygen reader in his foot.  He kept trying to rip them off and he was very agitated.  For a while he would only sleep if I was holding him.

He wasn't eating much and that worried me.  He fought us any time we tried to give him any meds.  They would get spit all over his face and clothes and blankets.  He was a mess.  When he woke up early in the morning I put him in the wagon and we just circled the floor.

 He fell asleep and finally looked comfortable like he was really resting.
    I didn't have the heart to put him back in the crib and get hooked back up to all the monitors.  But I also really needed to get some food.  I didn't know where our nurse was so I just asked the man at the desk if he would listen for Will and let our nurse know where I was. He was totally cool with that.  When I came back 10 minutes later, Will was still asleep in the wagon, but he was out at the desk with the other two men.  They were getting a lot of attention from other women walking by and commenting on how cute Will was.  I thought that was pretty funny.  He was very well taken care of while I was gone!

     Will woke up again about the time Mike came.  He was so happy to see his dad!  He hugged and kissed Dad then took the sticker off Mike's shirt and started playing.  Mike would take it away and stick it to Will's face then Will would take it off and wave it around.

 We gave him a sponge bath and got him dressed.  He was looking and feeling good.  We could tell he was feeling much better!

 He and Mike played for a while then we went for another ride in the wagon.

 

 While we were out and about we talked to other families.  One of the families had a little boy who is a double amputee that had just gotten 2 new legs.  He was awesome!  He was doing everything any other kid his age could do and was acting like a normal little boy.  Very cool!

     We went back to our room and got ready to be discharged.  We finally got rid of the IV!

We got more meds and got to come home!  Will fell asleep right before we left, so our ride home was much better than our ride in.

     We are home!  I am so glad!  So is Will.  He is playing with his toys and is eating much better.  He just seems more comfortable all the way around.  He sure loves his Daddy!

He is even attempting to crawl around and it doesn't seem to hurt or bother him at all!  My goal is to stay on top of his meds and keep ahead of the pain.  We also have to make sure that Will doesn't try to take off the dressings on his leg.  I am a little nervous for tonight, but even if we're up a lot, we're home.  Our family is all together again.   Yay!!!

Update

I am not a fan of waiting, just so you know.  They paged us to go to our room and there was an anesthesiologist that told us he was out of surgery and they were just waiting for him to wake up.  We would probably see him in 30 min.  Then the surgeon came in and gave us an update (I will give details later) then she said we should see him before 11:00.  Waiting, more waiting, the surgeon came back again to reassure us that he was fine, just not wanting to wake up- but that he was smiling and having good dreams because at one point he even giggled.  More waiting.  Finally around 1:00 a nurse came and found us.  She said that Will was in another room so they were going to move us there.  She went on to rave about how cute he is and that he was playing with some toys.  I was very encouraged by that!  However, by the time we got to the room he was NOT happy.  As we got closer to the room we could hear him crying.  I knew that he was hungry so I was gearing up to get in the room and make a bottle as fast as I could.  That was the frame of mind I was in so I was slightly caught off guard when I walked in and saw his leg for the first time.  I was in shock, not that I was surprised, just not quite as mentally prepared as I should have been.  His foot was gone, and all that was there was a bandaged stump.  Again, obviously not a surprise, but I wasn't quite ready for that.  I was able to make a bottle and get myself under control, but even after many hours I am still kinda shocked and unsettled with what I am seeing (or not seeing depending on how you want to look at it).
     Unfortunately Will's crying continued.  We couldn't comfort him.

He wasn't himself and we didn't know if he was in pain or just freaking out.  We tried holding him, bouncing him, etc. and it didn't help.

 They gave him pain meds.  We kept trying to comfort him, nothing helped.  They gave him Valium.  We tried taking him for a walk in a wagon.

 Still crying.  Gave him morphine, finally after almost an hour he stopped crying but we could tell he was not comfortable.  I just held him and loved him and talked to him until he settled down and was able to sleep.

   The surgeon came back and talked to us again, along with the anesthesiologist.  They don't think he had been in physical pain, just more freaking out because of being restrained and the effects of the drugs from surgery (they weren't able to do the block behind his knee as planned instead they had to do it in his tail bone).  The doctor told us that the next time he woke up things would be better.  Luckily they were.
     My mom brought Carter and Matt in to see Will and that's about the time he woke up.  He was groggy and lethargic.  So not acting like himself, but not distressed like before.  We put him back in the wagon and went for another stroll around the play area while the other boys played.  He drank some more, but still wasn't himself.
     Now, he is awake again and trying to chew on all the tubes and hoses that he can get his hands on. He hates his IV so we have to keep it covered.  But he is sitting up playing in the crib and we are getting ready to go for another stroll.

He's starting to act like the baby I know him to be.  Hopefully he will keep getting better and better.
     We'll see how the night goes, but I am looking forward to some snuggle time and hopefully a few smiles and giggles!

Send off

We got up early and I could tell it would be an emotional day.  I couldn't even make it through taking a shower without crying.  When we got Will up he cried.  He was mad that we weren't feeding him.  I dressed him in an outfit with a lion on the front that said "Roar!" Because I got that Katy Perry song in my head.  He is a champion and we will hear him roar.  Luckily he stopped crying shortly after getting in the car.
    We hit a lot of red lights on the way to the hospital.  Then when we got here we had to wait a while to be admitted.

It was taking so long that our doctor/surgeon even came down herself to see if we were coming.  Finally the X-rays were done and we went upstairs to really get started.  Everyone here is so nice and compassionate!  They talked to us about what was going to happen and they let me and Mike hold him the whole time.

 To make things easier they also gave him some medicine to help him relax and to help with the separation anxiety.  I was glad because I knew it would be harder to hand him over if he was crying.  I just held him and loved him.

 I held and loved and squeezed his foot for the last time.

 I can almost still feel it.  Then I was really brave.

 I handed him off to a very nice nurse.  I did it.  And then I broke down and just cried into Mike's shoulder he just held me and we cried together for a moment.  That was so hard.  Then we walked out of the room we were in and turned the opposite direction of our baby.
     He won't be same when we see him again.  I already miss that foot.  I am waiting to hold him and love him again.  The next time I see him he'll be different.  But he'll be better.  As much as I will always love that funky foot, it was holding him back.  Now we start on the road to getting better and better- with no limitations.