Six days after surgery he had the dressings changed. The doctor wanted to put him out again so the experience wouldn't be so painful or traumatic. I agreed, I imagined there would be bloody bandages stuck to his leg that would hurt when peeled off and that he would make things worse if he were crying and kicking. The had to schedule an operating room and we had to go through the same process (no food after midnight, no formula after 2 and no clear liquids after 6). Since it was just a dressing change I told Mike to not take off work and that I would take him in and be okay by myself. It was a different drive in- I knew the worst or the hardest part was over. I knew that this time when I handed him over it wouldn't be so hard. I didn't cry at all.
When we got to the hospital we checked in, and they did all the same things as they did before surgery. It was weird to go through it all again, but for a different purpose. It was definitely easier! They gave him the medicine to help him relax, and when I handed him over my brave face didn't have any tears. That time it was easy to be brave. While he was gone I went and got some breakfast and waited for them to call me back.
It wasn't long before a nurse came and found me and asked me to come to the recovery room. She said that he was crying a lot and they couldn't get him to calm down. I knew it was because he was hungry! Sure enough, I got in the room and gave him a bottle and he calmed right down and went back to sleep. We thought he would sleep for an hour or so and then we could go home hopefully around 10 or 11. He actually slept a lot longer and I didn't go home with him until almost 1:00.
The doctor gave us the option of seeing a picture of Will's leg. I didn't know if I was ready to see it, but Mike really wanted to. So while the doctor was changing Will's dressings she took a picture and e-mailed it to me. I was afraid to see it. I had envision his stump to be red and swollen and painful looking. I didn't know if I wanted to see that owie on my baby. Curiosity won out and I looked at the picture. So not what I was expecting! It wasn't red or swollen or painful looking at all! It didn't even look bruised! It looked so good! You can see the doctor's initials on his leg, M.W. (which I like because those are his initials too- just in different order!) Seeing his leg, without that funky foot, in a picture helped me. It helped me "see" that Will's foot was really gone. But there was still a part of me that was in denial. It was easy to be in denial when I couldn't see or touch his leg. It was all hidden under the bandages and the soft cast. I was worried about really seeing his leg without his foot for the first time. I know of 3 families with children that have similar issues. All 3 families had their baby's cast come off before it was supposed to. I knew that if his cast came off before the doctor took it off I would have a hard time. Depending on the circumstances, I knew it would be a pretty shocking and slightly traumatic experience. So I hoped that it would stay on, but I knew that if it didn't that his leg was okay and what it would look like.
[I have really debated on whether or not to post the picture for others to see. I have decided not to because I think it has the potential of freaking some people out. If I could figure out a way to post a link to the picture so that those who want to see could click on the link, and those who don't won't have to see it, I would. But I don't know how, so sorry!]
In the meantime, Carter and Matt have handled everything really well. They sure love their brother! They still try to include him in their playing yet are protective and very careful to make sure he doesn't get hurt. Carter loved taking him for rides in the jeep, while Matt would follow along on his rollerblades.
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